On the advice of my lawyer--

[profbutters]

Cross-posted from sim_spiration , and a bit tidier.

To:  Messrs Scuffle and Dustcough, Esq., Attorneys at Law

Dear Sirs:

 

It is my unpleasant duty to remind you of the obligations attendant upon you.

As you are aware, I have retained your firm on a permanent basis in order to take immediate legal action in all cases including, but not limited to, copyright, patent, property infringement, barratry, soccage-in-fief, liability, damages, etc. Until recently, I have had little cause to regret this arrangement.

I have become aware, however, that my name, and that of my family, has become tarnished in various print media in international markets.  I believe this is colloquially termed the “multiverse.”   I read, for example, in the Roman press, with some surprise, that I have contracted a matrimonial alliance with a lady supposedly nearly related to me.  My brother Lytton informed me, in great distress, that a person greatly resembling me, and purporting to be me, was featured in a lengthy television program originating in Terra Lostundo, a soi-disant “reality series” of the “bachelor challenge” variety.  If I understood him correctly through his severe stammer, he was extremely concerned that I had “lost.”  I have been reported to be in various romantic entanglements and even in a number of institutions for the restoration of the mental faculties.  I scarcely wish to acknowledge the scandalous material in circulation about my grandson Maximilian.

Bluntly put, this nuisance must cease.  If I do not make my movements publicly known, you can be certain that in no way do I acknowledge them to have taken place or not to have taken place or that the person assuming my identity is not connected, or unconnected, to me at any time or, of course, the reverse.  I must insist on the scrupulous defense of my good name and that of my family by means of aggressive lawsuits.

It is scarcely unreasonable to have higher expectations of one’s legal advisors in return for a monthly retainer that is, on reflection, exorbitant.  I trust I will not find it necessary to put my affairs in other hands.

 

I am, respectfully, etc.,

Cecil Goodytwoshoes

 

Comments

[smoothiesims.livejournal.com]

WIN.

[nialyind.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA brilliant :D I've never even heard of some of these terms Cecil is using, which embarrasses me as a law student. This was excellent! I enjoyed the Lytton anecdote about Miranda's BC, and his use of legalese was definitely amusing to read.

[song-sims.livejournal.com]

YOU WIN THE INTERNETS!

Oh, Cecil. Just you wait.

[peasant007.livejournal.com]

This wins on every level :)

[docnerd.livejournal.com]

Oh, Cecil. IF ONLY YOU KNEW ABOUT THE CECIL/CECIL SLASH.

[fireflowersims.livejournal.com]

AND THE ORGAN JOKES.

[fireflowersims.livejournal.com]

If I understood him correctly through his severe stammer, he was extremely concerned that I had “lost.”

Aaaand that would be the point where I started laughing out loud, hahahaha. AMAZING! I love Cecil.

[rosefyre.livejournal.com]

I agree with everyone else: this is totally, totally WIN!

[thefireeternal.livejournal.com]

LOLFOREVER

[dumdeedumdumdum.livejournal.com]

I scarcely wish to acknowledge the scandalous material in circulation about my grandson Maximilian.

Ah. Such rumors, of course, are only but rumors. Worry not, Cecil. ;)

I wonder. Was that the final straw for Cecil? I must say, he must have been terribly patient to just speak out now. Pretenders assuming his identity have proliferated the so-called 'multiverse' for quite some time, after all.

Cheers!

[lady-talaie.livejournal.com]

Prof=WIN.

At first I thought some one was trying to sue you or something. then I caught on. I kind of missed the sim _spiration link like a dumbmy.

Still I wonder why know? Cecil you are one of the few in the multiverse to miss the point.

[tatdatcm.livejournal.com]

Still love Cecil. In all his incarnations.